Some of the best ships are friendships

Marisa Franco explains why making and keeping friends is essential

Joanne McHugh

Mar 04, 2025

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In 2015, psychologist Marisa Franco grieved brutally when a burst of promising romance ended in disaster. To recover, she started a wellness group with a few of her very best friends and indulged in an activity with them every week.

“Although I had, until then, devalued the significance of friendship in favor of romance, after the wellness group, I could no longer diminish the colossal importance of friends,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“Platonic love lies at the lowest rung of the hierarchy our culture places on love. But I’ve learned it’s a devastating loss to us all if we dispose of it there. I wrote this book because I’d like for our culture to level this hierarchy,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“We typically see platonic love as somehow lacking–like romantic love with the screws of sex and passion missing…But friendship doesn’t have to be so second-rate…It can be powerful, deep, and loving. And friendship can save and transform us. In fact, it likely already has,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

“We choose our friends, which allows us to surround ourselves with people who root for us, get us, and delight in our joy. There’s no looming vow, formal ritual, or genetic similarity to retain us in friendship’s open palms, said Marisa G. Franco.

“Through friendship, we can self-select into some of the most affirming, safe, and sacred relationships of our lives, not because of pressure from society to do so, but because we elect to do so,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

“Perhaps remnants of our evolutionary past lead us to assume that friendship happens organically. Because it once did. But it doesn’t anymore. If we want to make and keep friends, we need to swim against the tides of disconnection that have been gradually contaminating us for centuries,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

“Making friends as an adult requires initiative. We have to put ourselves out there and try. It’s a process of reaching out over and over again. It’s meeting someone we like and, instead of letting the moment pass, hoping they might ask for our phone number, seizing the moment and asking them for theirs,” said Marisa G. Franco.

In the olden days, moms used to clip articles from newspapers for their kids if they thought it was something they needed to know. I’m keeping an eye out for things that you might have missed that may be helpful to you.

This week’s clips:

How can you be a responsible citizen during turbulent times without becoming overwhelmed? Eric Liu, writer and founder of Citizen University, suggests a framework that he calls the 5 Ps: Patterns, Perspective, People, Place, and Power. Read about how to find common ground while remaining vigilant.

Comedians Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo are on a mission to address the friendship recession U.S. men face. A recent episode of their Man of the Year podcast troubleshoots guys’ tendency to show up to hangouts with no plan. Listen for tips on how to make your bro time more meaningful and memorable.

LifeKit has seven tips to help keep the peace when traveling with friends and family (read or listen).

Introverts may be tempted to avoid networking even though four out of five jobs result from it. GenTwenty recommends 18 career-boosting strategies for introverts.

The founder of the travel rewards website The Points Guy says there’s never been a better time for earning points. Get his tips on reward travel.

Things Your Mom Should Have Told You

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