Platonic

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In 2015, psychologist Marisa Franco grieved brutally when a burst of promising romance ended in disaster. To recover, she started a wellness group with a few of her very best friends and indulged in an activity with them every week.

“Although I had, until then, devalued the significance of friendship in favor of romance, after the wellness group, I could no longer diminish the colossal importance of friends,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“Platonic love lies at the lowest rung of the hierarchy our culture places on love. But I’ve learned it’s a devastating loss to us all if we dispose of it there. I wrote this book because I’d like for our culture to level this hierarchy,” said Marisa G. Franco

“We typically see platonic love as somehow lacking–like romantic love with the screws of sex and passion missing…But friendship doesn’t have to be so second-rate…It can be powerful, deep, and loving. And friendship can save and transform us. In fact, it likely already has,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

“We choose our friends, which allows us to surround ourselves with people who root for us, get us, and delight in our joy. There’s no looming vow, formal ritual, or genetic similarity to retain us in friendship’s open palms, said Marisa G. Franco.

“Through friendship, we can self-select into some of the most affirming, safe, and sacred relationships of our lives, not because of pressure from society to do so, but because we elect to do so,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

“Perhaps remnants of our evolutionary past lead us to assume that friendship happens organically. Because it once did. But it doesn’t anymore. If we want to make and keep friends, we need to swim against the tides of disconnection that have been gradually contaminating us for centuries,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

“Making friends as an adult requires initiative. We have to put ourselves out there and try. It’s a process of reaching out over and over again. It’s meeting someone we like and, instead of letting the moment pass, hoping they might ask for our phone number, seizing the moment and asking them for theirs,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“While we often think of vulnerability as burdening our friendships, it can instead ignite or deepen them. That’s because, as much of the research suggests, we’re often cherished rather than devalued for our vulnerability. In one often-cited study that combined results from 94 different analyses, results indicated that the more people self-disclosed, the more liked they were,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“Vulnerability cements connection, not just because it leads us to be perceived as more honest and genuine but also because it conveys that we like and trust the person we’re interacting with,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

According to Marisa G. Franco, “We must be clear with our close friends when we have an important need because in the words of author Neil Strauss, ‘Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.’ How can our friend know that now is a time to prioritize us if we don’t say, ‘Hey, this is really important for me’?”

“We need to get comfortable imposing when we need to impose. Because if the other person is comfortable asking and we are not, even our healthiest friendships will jut unevenly,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“Being understood isn’t just about the other person putting in the time and effort to get us. It’s also about us making ourselves understandable,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“It’s easy to scrap friends from the list. There’s so much we juggle from spouses, to children, to health, to work that never ceases. Friendship takes energy that we don’t feel like we have…And it’s not always clear that it’s worth it. But is is,” according to Marisa G. Franco.

“Out of 106 factors that influence depression, having a confidante is the most powerful. Loneliness is more fatal than a poor diet or lack of exercise, as corrosive as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Friendship literally saves our lives,” said Marisa G. Franco.

“Don’t take friendship for granted…Engrave friendship on your list. Make being a good friend a part of who you are, because a deep and true core that needs to belong lies within us all,” said Marisa G. Franco.

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Platonic