Are certain habits or beliefs holding you back from finding love?

Logan Ury helps identify your dating blindspots

Feb 04, 2025

Book Cover of How to Not Die Alone — Click the cover image to go to Bookshop.org, where you can select a local bookstore to support. Your online order will be filled directly by their distributor, and the full profit from your purchase will be sent to your bookstore of choice.

Behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury leads a research team at the dating app Hinge dedicated to helping people find love. She wrote How to Not Die Alone to help people be informed and purposeful about their dating techniques and relationships.

“While love may be a natural instinct. Dating isn’t. We’re not born knowing how to choose the right partner,” said Logan Ury.

“Many people suffer from dating blind spots–patterns of behavior that hold them back from finding love, but which they can’t identify on their own,” said Logan Ury.

Are you a Romanticizer? A Maximizer? A Hesitater? Take Logan’s Dating Blindspots Quiz. Click this image to discover the habits or beliefs that may be holding you back from finding love. Read the book to get the full 411.

“It’s tempting to approach dating apps as an exercise in discovering what’s wrong with people or finding a reason to say no. Instead, try to be less judgmental,” said Logan Ury.

“Choose not to play the apps like a game. You’ll make better decisions if you pace yourself and go out with a limited number of people at once. Try to really get to know them,” said Logan Ury.

“We can learn to swipe smarter by expanding our settings to see more people, being less judgmental when we swipe, dating fewer people at a time, and transitioning to the date faster. The point of the apps is to meet people face-to-face, not to gain a pen pal,” according to Logan Ury.

“Look for the positives in people, whether you’re evaluating them on a dating app or they’re across the table from you at a restaurant. It will be easy to see their flaws–the way our brain has evolved practically guarantees it,” said Logan Ury.

“But force yourself to look for the good. After your next date, text a friend five things you liked about your date,” said Logan Ury.

“When you’re on a first date, you’re not looking to fill the position of life partner, you’re looking to decide whether or not you want a second date. That’s it. It’s better to go on a second or third date with somebody and then find out that they’re not a good fit than to rule out potential matches because of an initial impression that’s vulnerable to all types of cognitive biases,” said Logan Ury.

“I’ve come to see our obsession with the spark as one of the most pervasive and dangerous ideas in dating. It causes us to miss out on amazing partners because we fail to see their true potential,” said Logan Ury.

“Love at first sight is pretty rare. When psychologist Ayala Malach Pines surveyed more than 400 people to ask how they fell in love with their romantic partners, only 11% claimed they felt ‘love at first sight,’” according to Logan Ury.

In the olden days, moms used to clip articles from newspapers for their kids if they thought it was something they needed to know. I’m keeping an eye out for things that you might have missed that may be helpful to you.

This week’s clips:

Every day it seems another company is calling its workers back to the office full-time. Fast Company looks at how Gen Z is handling RTO.

For laughs, Friendship Explained with Anna Goldfarb shared a Bad Friend Bingo Card. For another round of fun, there’s a Bad Date Bingo Card too.

Behavioral scientist Katy Milkman saw a mind-boggling stat: 40% of premature deaths are due to behaviors that can be changed. Her book, How to Change, offers research-backed methods to help you stop procrastinating, save more money, and make healthier choices. Life Kit (listen or read) samples the most actionable lessons.

In 732 words, Heather Cox Richardson of Letters from an American sums up what Abraham Lincoln had to say about why the rule of law must prevail over individual passions during a time of religious fervor and moral crusades.

Is Your Health Tech Device Wearing YOU? Dr. Lucy McBride of Are You Okay? diagnoses when data-driven health becomes a source of anxiety and prescribes how to use health tech intentionally.

Things Your Mom Should Have Told You

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